How do you get over the loss of a major influence in your life? I’ve tried for about a year to accept that he’s no longer among us, but I just can’t. I’d text him every now and then to see if I got a response.
On one of his regular calls with my dad, many years ago, he asked to talk to me to congratulate me on finishing high school. During the conversation, he asked, “So, what do you want to study to become?” I proudly answered, “A structural engineer.” He laughed and then asked, “Is it the pyramid of Egypt that hasn’t been built yet that you want to build?” He then told me to look up careers in IT and finance on the internet and that he would call me at the same time the next day to continue talking. I fell in love with computers because of how the research turned out. It’s been over 16 years since we talked about this, and since then, software has really taken over the world, and the people in the guys in finance are the ones writing the checks. His sense of the future is out of this world.
I was lucky to get into the university to study computer science. Most of the time, we stay in touch through email or Yahoo! Messenger. I was casually browsing the Internet one day and saw that he was online. I decided to BUZZ him, and he answered right away with the usual greeting. I asked if he was going to bed because he had just gotten home, and to my surprise, he said that he had three hours to rest before he had to go to work. It didn’t make sense to me. He then said that, even though he was working on his master’s degree, he had to work three jobs to pay his bills. He could only sleep 3–4 hours a day. That got me fired up, and on top of my regular schoolwork, I would stay up all night to study and write software programs. I also started and ran a business, was an active (and award-winning) member of JCI, reached out to and met with professionals in my field, and more. I wouldn’t let myself sleep more than 5 hours a day. I had this sticker right above my bed that said, “You Should Be Working.” I got the idea from the movie “Hollow Man.”
After completing my NYSC, I moved to Lagos and lived with him for a few months. We’d leave at 4 a.m. for work and return about 11 p.m. We had plenty of time to talk about practically everything that was going on in each of our lives throughout the commute. This pattern continued when I moved into my own apartment. I guess it was through him that I really got into the spirt of Lagos.
His life was truly inspirational. We all grew up together under the roof of my father. One day, we were drinking and talking late at night when he informed me he had just read an article that indicated he was a billionaire and one of society’s most prominent young people. He then stated that he knows my parent did an excellent job raising us, and that if he can get to this level in his life, nothing should stop me from surpassing him. He did warn me, though, that I should be careful not to let my ambitions take my attention away from what and those who truly matters. What he knew, what he did, and what he did wrong taught me a lot.
Moving on
There’s nowhere else to go but forward. Like Shuri in Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. It took her a while to realize that her brother T’Challa, the black panther she looked up to so much, was gone and would never come back. She had no idea she could accomplish as good as or better than her brother until she took the lead
I accept that he is gone for good. If I don’t step up and fill the space he left, who will?
This is from my private journal. I thought I’d share it because someone else might be in the same situation and need to read it.
